I wanted you to know that I am not a crazy girl. You made me that way. To be fair I guess you could say I let you make me that way. The point is that's not who I am.
I wanted you to know that I don't need you. I miss you, but for us to be together so much would have to be different. I see that now, and I don't know if you'll ever be up for the challenge.
I wanted you to know how much you hurt me. I know you had to do what you had to do, I supported your decision. It was everything up to that that hurts so much. You knew what the nights meant to me, you let us grow together as one, you let my heart fill with love for you knowing what was coming. Knowing you couldn't support me at all. You knew it all and you still let it happen because you didn't have the courage to stop it. Now I'm afraid I'll never love with that abandon again.
I want you to know that I'm finding me again...without you. I have new friends, we do exciting fun things all the time, I have a job that I love, I'm learning new things every day and I wish I could share it with you but I can't and that's a decision that you made. Not me. I've tried, you resist. You lied.
I wanted you to know that I know what I did. I know you can't trust me, why would you? I tried to make you love me, I've done and said things to you that were motivated my selfish reasons. There was a time, and it wasn't that long ago when my actions towards you were pure and innocent and except for the last time every time I gave you my body my motives were clean. In the end it was the only thing I had left to give you with a clear conscience.
I'm not sorry, about any of it.
I wanted you to know that I'm okay and that I forgive you.....and there will come a time when I actually mean those statements. Not that you care, but maybe there will come a time when you do.
I wanted you to know that this is the last thing I am going to write for you. Your chapter in my life is over. If you are ever in my book again your going to have to write it yourself.
Love Amanda.
